Through out my childhood and adulthood, my life that is to say, I’ve had trouble focusing. I have been naturally gifted with the ability to waste time no matter how much time I might have. With a hyperactive brain with vivid imagination, my brain always wandered and still does like in a pinball. Only things that can grasp my attention were the things I could stay focused on. Anything else? Well… pinball. It wasn’t so bad as a child but as I grew up and life got more demanding, normally, it wasn’t really ok. Paying attention in class when I really needed to just got harder. Focusing on my studies without constantly daydreaming was almost impossible. Consequently I couldn’t get the right grades to study what I wanted in college. Despite all this, things worked out fine one way or another. I was persistent in whichever direction I found myself going. And when I look at my life, I figure it has been and still is a set of unplanned events that I try to make the best of each of them.
It wasn’t until few years ago, I think around turning 30, that I came across adult ADHD/ADD. What I had found and read gave me contradicting feelings. I was somehow relieved to know there was an explanation and at the same time angry at all the wasted years that formed basically my life. I tried to get a formal diagnosis, maybe have medication if I needed to. So I booked an appointment and took a long session of questions that tackle my cognitive functions as a child and as an adult. Most of the “child” part of the questions I was unable to answer since I didn’t really remember many details. According to the doctor, usually a parent comes along but I’m guessing this is the case maybe with children. After the test ended, she told me “I don’t think you have it. You obviously have an attention problem and if you do have ADHD/ADD it’ll be only mild and I can’t prescribe a medication in this case” She advised of some natural ways of treatment, some I had already known.
At first I was happy with this diagnosis. It’s good I don’t need a drug. But it didn’t offer me answers either. I’ve been to other doctors but none could help, if it’s not ADHD/ADD then what is it? I turned to self education, reading books about adult ADD and lots of articles and channels. I needed to understand in order to deal with it. Because ADD can be easily mixed with other disorders, it’s common to get misdiagnosed. Whatever it is, I’ve taken a decision that I will make the best out of it, as always. I’ll go out and find what works and what doesn’t. And because a mind such as mine is easily distracted, loses focus and goal and forgets easily, I’ll track it all here.