New

Lots of new feelings. “New” gives the sense of something’s good. This exciting feeling that comes with getting a new toy or a new experience like visiting a new place. But “new” here is something else. It is a life turned upside down. A “new” discovery that only took a moment to happen after which nothing has been the same…yet. It’s quite interesting how something that seems so small can change our lives significantly.

It was little less than 5 months ago when I was lying face down on my bed reading on a Thursday night when I accidentally discovered a lump in my left breast. Now, more than halfway through my chemotherapy treatment, I sometimes still can’t believe this is really happening. I feel someone has pressed pause. Everything I did and used to do has changed. Although I wanted change, this was not the kind of change I asked for of course. On top of everything, a “new” feeling has been added to all of this: Fear. The fear that I might/ would have to go through this again in the future. I try my best to keep my faith but it is just there. I keep contemplating this whole experience as I go through it and think maybe it’s about gaining perspective, looking at things differently. When something big happens to us, the things in our lives are automatically prioritized.

Maybe it’s about realizing what really matters.